So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
