Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
