Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
