He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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