i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No subtext here. People are naked.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize