I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
