I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
