i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
