4 words: hood of his car
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize