have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize