I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
