It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
