around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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