Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
