it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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