So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
