I never want to see another naked old woman again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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