he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
