my phone needs a breathalizer
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
