meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize