im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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