apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
