I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
