it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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