I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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