You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
