I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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