Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
