oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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