Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
