tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
