Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How does it feel to date your dad?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
