if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
