Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
