so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
