I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
