youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
