I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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