I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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