I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
