i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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