It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
