Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
