This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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