The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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