I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there's paper in my vomit.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
