we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
