We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
