I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
