I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
