worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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