At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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