Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
