I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
