I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
