yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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