google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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