He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
