You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
