How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
