he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
