haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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