Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
