did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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