if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
