Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
