i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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