Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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