I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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