there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
