I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize