yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the condom got lost in my hair
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
